NOTE:::: I do not want to abandon this blog completely so here is an update but please check my Tumblr for more updates
I did not realize the day would come so soon for me to feel like I am “getting old” but seeing my sisters this past weekend has made me see myself in a different light. My oldest younger sister is a freshman in high school and she, if I had to categorize her, would say is a “punk-emo” type of girl. When she speaks, it makes me remember when I was in high school (graduated six and a half years ago [2004]) and how stress in my life was based on my parents rules, or being grounded, having a curfew etc etc. High school is a time where most of us experience a lot of “firsts”. My other little sister is in the sixth grade and is focused on reading books [a nerd like me ;)] she likes anime and video games. When you’re older, you don’t have much time for any of those things. The only reason I read so much now is because I do not have a job. Weekends for me consist of cleaning cleaning and more cleaning, getting things done, running to the bank, laundry, cooking, taking care of my boyfriend’s two kids. Oh, also putting in solid Nintendo Wii time with the kids haha (that is what I did this weekend) ANYWAY, I know my sisters are busy with their lives, they don’t text much even when I blow up their phones. Sometimes I see myself as the “old uncool person” Even at 24 I can feel this way. I cant figure out if I feel this way because either A. I haven’t partied in a while.. I don’t feel much of a “partier” any more, either. I feel like I have had my fair share of days partying until 6am. My ideal night would be dinner and a movie with my babes, or a small get together with friends just hanging out at home. I like going to clubs but not every weekend. I prefer quiet nights at home… lame alert? Okay, or B. Is it because since I found God last year these things are no longer appealing to me? Don’t get me wrong I am certainly no angel by any means. But as they say, when you truly find the Lord it is then that you search to change your old ways. The old is washed away. Someday I hope I can live a fully straight life. I love going to Christian concerts. I feel that it cleanses my soul and gives me that push to keep on a straight path.
This weekend brought me such sadness. I am not too sure why, but I know it is due partial to me seeing my sisters grow up into their own lives and me not being there completely to see it. I know I have missed a lot. They have grown so much in such a short time. But I don’t think they know how much they mean to me, and how much more I wish I could do for them. Maybe it is the young(er) that make us feel old, or at least recognize our age. When they are all grown and ready to go clubbing, I will be an in my thirties, possibly with children of my own and probably living in a different state.
So, how do we keep our youth? What is the secret to living a youthful life even as we age? The wrinkles are inevitable, granted we can slow the process, but regardless, in due time they will come. Is it finding the youth of our soul and holding it tight, or loosening up our grip and embracing age as it comes? I haven’t decided yet which one I would rather choose.
