a little this and a little that.

These last few weeks have been pretty rough, emotionally. Losing a friend (due to a falling out) is always hard. God wants us to move on because he has a reason behind everything but the moving part is always rough. I think the hardest part for me is waiting and assuming. I think, am I worrying and sad, and she isn't at all? I don't understand why I have to worry so much because in all honesty she may not even be thinking of me or the situation at all. Or maybe she is? I suppose now I am just waiting for time to heal all. I submitted my very first prayer request to MY FLR and surprisingly it lifted a HUGE weight off my shoulders. (even if they don't get to my prayer request) In the mean time, I need to worry about my friends that are there for me. It is true that when one door closes another one opens. Shortly after "the incident" I have been kept SO busy between work and my personal life+friends. There is a lot going on in May. Last weekend was a busy weekend. I ironically ran into my old good friend Cindy (yet again) on Mill Ave on a corner. Her and I keep crossing paths (as I mentioned in an earlier entry) and this is just one more way of God reminding me that certain friends are meant to stay and others to go. Not to mention my other good long friends Amber and Sara came over last night and it was SO great seeing them again. Turns out, Sara lives three minutes away from me and I never knew. I look forward to my future ahead as long as I keep my eye on Christ. 
Work has been going great. I won two contests at work because of my stats. (YEAH!!) and tomorrow Jesse and I are going to see Phil Wickham in concert (for the second time) I am stoked. I found out Flyleaf is also coming in concert but it just so happens to be the same day as Phil Wickham  :( What are the odds?!  

Anyway, I am out for the day. May life bring us all happiness!

Steady as she goes...

I have not updated in so long! Jesse has a job now and slowly life is starting to get back on track. For a while there I thought Jesse and I were for sure going to have to move into his parents' house - OY! I like my space. Jesse and I have made it a habit to go to Church every Sunday and not just to say that we go for credits up in heaven, but to grow our relationship with God. Reading your bible really DOES help you grow and become closer with the Lord. I am so thankful that I have someone like Jesse in my life to answer really all questions I have. And we both actually love going to church. Who would have thought I would actually ENJOY going to church? Times are truly changing.

Some good news: I have been working for my job now for almost two years and have struggled the whole time with trying to move up, and getting upset that I cant move up because I feel like management doesn't like me etcetc blahhhblahhhh. Well, the last (roughly) two months I decided to surrender myself to the lord and leave my life in his hands, and let him take me wherever he wants. I gave up trying to analyze why I am not moving up and why it will never happen. I prayed to God that he give me a sign if I am meant to work with my current job, or simply consider it a loss and move on. Then, last week God gave me that sign I asked for! I was called into the office by management and they told me that I have made a HUGE improvement in the last month or so and to keep it up because when something opens up they will consider me for that position. They also said I made a night and day transformation.. I am so happy that others can see my transformation because I really do feel like a new person, almost like I am re born again. I thought I would never be able to change their (management) minds about me but I guess they really like the new me! God is doing great things in my life right now and as long as I keep up this new attitude of mine I know he will add great things to my life. I don't feel as negative anymore, and the things that use to bother me no longer do. I feel like there are bigger fish to fry.

I fail tests

I feel like lately my happiness and patience has been tested to its limits. This last year I have been put in situations I never thought I would face, or at least not this early in my life. I mingled through life with lots of friends, and anywhere I went it seemed like people always surrounded me. Lately, I just cant seem to get along with ANYONE! Today for example I got in an argument with this girl from work. We exchanged words and now I am worried my job is on the line. This has not been the only time that my buttons have been pushed by a co-worker. My fuse is short. Normally I am patient and can just put things behind me. I feel like maybe I have been doing that for too long. This is me standing up for myself and not letting others walk all over me. I wish I could keep my lid shut rather than going off on a tangent, but I just can't seem to do that anymore.
I have tried turning to God for some guidance on my resentment with work but I feel like the drive just isn't there. Perhaps I feel like there is no up when I am down? I wish I could easily move on from a place where I am not completely satisfied, but it is not that simple. I get stuck in a routine and now I am at a road block that has me choosing left or right? Diagonal or straight? I could go this way or that. I am still trying to figure out what I want from this life, but when I think about it, I get frustrated and then try to think of something else, telling myself that I will think about it later. Kind of like a chore or a list of something to do (I write LOTS of "to-do"/"to-buy" lists)
I am stuck on when and if I should go back to school. And if so for what? I could pick up where i left off of from journalism, or I was thinking about working for a radio station. I know I would LOVE something like that. Or do I go in a direction that is least favored, but something that the economy will need such as nursing. I have a lot to decide and a lot to think about. I will keep you informed on my decision.

New Hair

I got my hair cut - seven inches at least.  I love the length and how light weight it feels. It is a nice change since I have had long hair for so long. And the best part was that it was spontanious! The girl that cut my hair was so good I just told her to keep cutting!


The last month has brought a lot of changes. Mostly with personal relationships. My mom and I are finally speaking again after six months or so. Obviously I am happy about that. My bigbig brother and I have bonded a lot more in the last few weeks as well. And my sister in law and I have also gotten much much closer. We had a girls night with her two girl friends and went down to mill ave - bar/club hopped and I had so much fun!  I hope these friendships continue to stay on this path because I am starting to feel much happier. Not to mention my dad and I call each other more often then before. Since we have had Jesse's kids I have bonded so well with his daughter specifically. I feel like her and I are starting to have that mother daughter connection which is an amazing feeling. She really looks up to me in a postive way. She is attached to my hip! Really spending time with her and talking to her and doing things with her sure has made a difference! The funny part is, she sees me blog and wants to start one of her own. She cracks me up. This year has already been rocky with the eceonomy situation but aside from that, things are really starting to look up! I would really like to start looking for a new job. Anyone have any ideas? I dont forsee myself moving up anytime soon considering a number of reasons. I have no clue where to even look though.

Here's a silly before picture of my hair

You are much too small for me, world.

If there is one thing I am sure we can all agree on, it's that finances make the world go 'round.
As a Christian I am learning to be happy with what I have, because it is a lot more than what most people can say they have. I have my job [a lot of people cant say they have that] I have my health [a few years ago my health was horrible - in and out of the doctors, hospitals etc] I have a roof over my head, and even if I lost my "roof" I know there is always someone I can turn to until I get back on my feet. However, without having a substantial amount of money I know for me I feel trapped. I feel like I am stuck in the confounds of my home. I feel like I am not able to be the free bird that I want to be. For one, I LOVE to travel! If I could make it my career I would! Obviously though, that involves money. Which sort of brings me to what everyone is talking about. The Economy!!! It is hard to do what you want to do when for one, jobs are scarce. And the little jobs that ARE offered, at least 200 people pounce on and you are lucky to get a call back for even a second interview or a "better luck next time." I know for me, my family is hurting in this economy. My opinion is that it is NOT going to get better any time soon. I pray to God I am wrong. After following the news and reading my bible I just don't have high hopes for this economy. What I think would help the economy is not what the government thinks would help. For one, bring out-sourcing back to America. Right? And another thought would be to lower prices! Hello, no one can still afford to get their nails done for $40 or even afford to buy a car at these prices!
Last weekend I went out and got a breathe of fresh air. It was something in the 70s for the temperature and it felt AMAZING out. Jesse and I talked about the economy issue and what we thought the near future held for our Country. I thought, man, I would LOVE to get out of this Country and move elsewhere, away from it "all." Away from the boundaries that we are all given. Away from this stress, and this mundane life of working and paying bills and working and filing taxes. It really stinks not ever being able to stop and enjoy this life, or the beauty on this Earth. As "free" as our Country is, we are also locked down to certain boundaries that make us "think" we are "free" only because of the amount of space we are given vs the amount of space other countries aren't given. After I thought about how crappy the U.S. is doing right now and how our government is like a bunch of loose cannons, it made me realize I would love to get away from here. But which Country would I go to? Hmm... I couldn't think of any other halfway decent country that I know I would like. (NO, not even Canada - not a big fan!) Sad that our world is SO large, and yet there is no where to turn.
On a more spiritual level, I wish I could leave this Earth and it's misery that has recently come of it. When you start to learn about God, you realize how useless all of this is. The materials, the job you work at (because usually that is all that it is, a job) the driving, the talking... To me it's the fun times that matter the most. The simple enjoyments out of life, such as hiking the Grand Canyon, or traveling to the buatiful wonders on this Earth, or spending time with the people you love. Unfortunately these moments are rare. Too bad we couldn't just head to another planet right?! When I think of all that is to come of this world, and all that already is happening, I just wish I could pack my bags and say "peace out, I'm headed to perfection!" Although, we know that wont come until the very end of our journey here on this Earth.

My Nana is 78 and she got married today! My cousin took this picture, I left my camera at home :[ I spent the day with my family and I have truly missed them. It was really great seeing everyone. Nana was so surprised to see me, but happy. Now it's Saturday night and I am being lame at home. I can't wait to have some extra cash so I can hit the town with my friends again. I need to get out! I feel like I am going stir crazy locked up inside with no $$ to do anything. My car is currently having issues - I updated facebook about it - long story. Jesse and I are watching his brother's chihuahua tonight and he already pooped and peed in the house GRRRR.  I need to start taking more photos and practicing. Plus I really need to go back to school and get my degree in journalism. I think tomorrow I am going to try and focus on writing something.

xmas tree video

So I finally took down my Christmas tree last night. It was a real tree, and it was a pain the the ass to take down and outside! I recorded a video weeks back of my tree and wanted to share. Here's the video:







For Christmas/my birthday Jesse gave me a (pink) ipod mini that can record video and it is so fun to mess around with! I think that will be my new hobby.

2010 resolutions

This update is later than I had wanted but oh well - here it is - My resolutions for 2010. Normally I never make resolutions. I just say "To hell with it all - I do what I want when I want." 2009 was life changing. SOOOO much happened and so for 2010, I want to have goals. I want to feel like I have accomplished something. And also it's more-so of a checklist for myself.

-Grow with God
-Read the Bible more
-Write and Read more
-Be positive/think positive
-Lose 20 pounds!! Eat healthier
-Manage my money better
-Visit another state ie: California. - I have not been out of the state in over two and a half years and it's time for a change! I need a vacation like nobody's business
-Cook meals at home more often - learn to cook in general

Resolutions soon to come

I have soooo many resolutions for 2010. Unfortunately I left my list at work :[ So I will be update that soon. I will just give you a small peek at what I plan to do for 2010.

First up on the list - I plan to read and study my bible more. 2009 I found God, and I dont want to slip away from that.

Also - LOSE 20 POUNDS!!!
I met Jesse 30 pounds lighter two years ago, and I need to lose that weight!!

So one more resolution for 2010 is to write more, and take more photos.

more to come once I have all my thoughts together

Secret Santa

Un lit Christmas Tree

Lit Christmas Tree

So I wanted to share with you a story about what a Secret Santa really is. [I want to apologize for the bad quality photos - they were taken with my web cam] GOD PROVIDES -  I came home last week after having a horrible day - when I got to my door step SOMEONE anonymously put a REAL tree by my doorstep with no note just the tree with a bag of ornaments and a tree holder!! Talk about the season of giving. I have never had anything like this happen before. Jesse and I had wanted a real tree and didn't have the money. We had been offered a few fake small trees from people but we decided to not take them. Next thing I know I come home and there it it just waiting for me. God truely provides when you ask! We still do not know who did this but I am completely okay with not knowing.

Heres is a picture of the tree on my door step when i got home: